Wandering, distance and the presence of God

I thought that I had left You
somewhere behind me.

Perhaps beside a prayer
I stopped praying,
or on the road
where certainty became doubt.

I walked further.

Filled my hands
with other things,
learned to live without asking
what You thought of them.

Still You stayed.

Not loudly.

Not with thunder
or a hand upon my shoulder.

You waited in the places
I thought were empty.

In the night
when distraction failed.

In the conscience
I could quiet
but never kill.

In the strange longing
that returned
when everything I wanted
was finally mine.

I had imagined
that returning to You
would mean finding
the road back.

But perhaps I misunderstood.

You were never
at the end of the road.

You were there
when I left.

You were there
while I wandered.

And when at last
I turned around,

I discovered
I had never travelled
beyond Your reach.

Inspired Version Scripture

Psalm 139:7–10

Whither shall I go from thy Spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence?

If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there; if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.

If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea;

Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.

Behind the Poem

We often imagine distance from God geographically, as though wandering from Him means that we must somehow find our way back to where He remains. Psalm 139 presents something more profound. We may resist God, ignore Him or attempt to build life without Him, but we cannot travel beyond His presence. Sometimes returning begins simply by turning around and recognising who has been there all along.

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