Proverbs 13:20 “He that walketh with wise men shall be wise; but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.”

We tend to think of character as something created entirely from within. We imagine that our convictions, habits and values are simply the result of our own choices. Proverbs reminds us that the truth is more complicated. The people with whom we regularly walk become part of the environment in which our character is formed.

The language is significant. Scripture does not say merely that the person who listens to wise people will learn something from them. It says, “He that walketh with wise men shall be wise.” Walking suggests companionship over time: conversation, shared experiences, observation and the countless small influences we scarcely notice. The commentary accompanying this verse describes us as “creatures of imitation”, shaped gradually by the people with whom we share our hours.

Wisdom Is Often Caught Before It Is Taught

Some of the most important things we learn from another person are never formally explained.

We notice how they respond when something goes wrong. We observe whether they speak kindly about someone who is absent. We see how they carry disappointment, whether they admit mistakes, how seriously they take their promises, and what they consider worthy of their time.

Gradually their way of seeing the world begins to influence ours.

This is why wise companionship can be so valuable. A genuinely wise person does not simply possess information. There is usually a steadiness about the way they live. They have learned what deserves attention and what does not. Their presence can quietly enlarge our perspective, challenge our impatience and remind us that there are more important things than whatever happens to be demanding our attention today.

Wisdom becomes contagious through proximity.

Folly Is Contagious Too

The second half of the proverb is deliberately uncomfortable: “a companion of fools shall be destroyed.”

We may imagine that we can remain close to destructive attitudes without being affected by them. Yet influence rarely announces itself. We do not usually wake one morning having consciously decided to become cynical, dishonest, shallow or bitter. These things often enter gradually.

A constant diet of mockery can make sincerity seem embarrassing. Repeated exposure to dishonesty can make compromise appear normal. Cynicism can begin to masquerade as intelligence. Cruel humour can slowly dull compassion. The commentary observes that folly may thin the soul simply through repeated proximity; companionship possesses a kind of gravity that can pull us without our noticing.

Today that companionship does not only involve people physically around us. The voices we invite repeatedly into our minds through social media, entertainment, podcasts and online communities may occupy more of our waking hours than some of our closest friends.

The question therefore becomes larger than, Who are my friends?

We might also ask, Who is shaping the way I think?

Choosing Companions Without Becoming Judgemental

This proverb is not an instruction to divide humanity into respectable people whom we welcome and flawed people whom we avoid. Christianity could hardly survive such a rule, because none of us would qualify for companionship.

Christ Himself moved towards people whose lives were broken. Christian love requires us to do the same.

But there is a difference between loving someone and allowing that person’s values to shape our own. We can show compassion without surrendering discernment. We can support someone struggling without treating their destructive choices as harmless. We can enter another person’s darkness without allowing their darkness to become our direction.

The real question is one of influence: Who are we walking behind? Whose approval matters to us? Whose attitudes are quietly becoming ours?

Who Makes Us Want to Become Better?

Perhaps one of the best ways to recognise wise companionship is to notice what awakens within us after spending time with someone.

Do they make us want to become more truthful, patient and generous? Do they strengthen our desire to know God? Do they help us see beyond the immediate and recover perspective when our emotions become loud? Can they challenge us without humiliating us and encourage us without flattering us?

These are precious people.

Proverbs teaches us that our friendships are never entirely neutral. The commentary describes them memorably as either “stairways upward or gentle slopes downward”.

We should therefore choose carefully the voices to which we give repeated access to our souls.

None of us walks alone. Someone is influencing the direction of our steps, just as our lives are influencing others.

The question is not whether we will be shaped by those with whom we walk.

It is whether the road we are walking together is making us wiser.

Explore More

If you have found this helpful, there is more to explore across Saints of the Restoration. You can continue with our Daily Bread devotionals, go deeper through The Deeper Walk, consider some of Life’s Questions, reflect through Bible Poetry, or browse our growing library of free Christian books and study resources.

Would you like to discuss this privately

If this article has raised a question, concern, or something you would rather not discuss publicly you are welcome to send me a message